I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
