No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
