Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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