Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
