Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
