he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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