Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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