Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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