I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
