Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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