I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
