She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
