Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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