He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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