Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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