I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
