i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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