Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
