So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
