i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We named our party play list daddy issues
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
false alarm, still single
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
