and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
