omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
