dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
