She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
