There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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