very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize