What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she looked like the before picture.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
