Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
