Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
