I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
