That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we're making bets on your personal life
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
