I should be sponsored by Trojan
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
