She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
