You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
