It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
