woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you would pick up someone in the library
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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