Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
