She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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