I accidentally had phone sex last night
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
