I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
