My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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