Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
