I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I deserve this hangover.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize