If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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