Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
