Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
