There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
