Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
