At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
