I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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