We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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