I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize