Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
