I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All the doctor said was why
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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