Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
