i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
