I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
