On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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