she woke up with a sticky ear
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
