Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
