My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
