So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
