I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
