his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
